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This Lecture Will Change Your Life iA Islam and Ego Nouman Ali Khan

Trans. I take refuge in Allah, from satan the outcast I am really honored and also kind of weirded out that you guys waited this long Alhamdulillah Jazakumullah Khairan for waiting If I sound a little out of it It’s probably because I am About 8 hrs. of lecture straight, Alhamdulillah But insha’Allahu ta’ala I am here to just share some very brief thoughts with you about an important matter Something that doesn’t come under much discussion nowadays But it needs our attention It certainly needs our attention Insha’Allah The thing I want to talk to you about is.

A culture among young Muslims who go on a certain religious journey especially in western society A lot of times some youth they live a life of let’s just say partying o.k. And then they have epiphany sometime in life and they turn towards the religion A lot of youth brothers sisters have this change of heart Sometime in their life and they become more serious gradually about the religion But then what happens is when they become more serious about the religion over time they end up becoming very serious about the religion.

Very very passionate And they find themselves a teacher Sometimes that teacher is a person Sometimes that teacher is a series of mp3s or lectures Sometimes that teacher is a website Sometimes that teacher is a blog Sometimes that teacher is an anonymous screenname Right. But whatever it is In the end they find themselves a source that they associate as the authentic source for taking knowledge And when they do and they become very passionate about it Slowly what starts happening is they become very rigid Become very. like tough.

And the people around them don’t see. you know. they notice that the people around them are not the same way as they are They don’t acknowledge the same teacher as they acknowledge They are not understanding the deen the way they understand themselves So what starts happening is first they become frustrated with the people around them especially their family Right The youth starts changing and the first people they become frustrated with is their own family Why don’t you understand This is the right way to follow religion And there is more and more friction.

This happens even within the Muslims families Even more so when you are a Muslim and your family is nonmuslim But certainly even within your family If your family is Muslim too But now you are kind of rediscovering the religion on your own right So this friction develops But it’s not limited to the family either What happens is. you have friends You have always been friends But those friends didn’t take this religious journey that you did Or if they did, they didn’t take the same journey that you did.

Their understanding is a little different Or they are not as rigid about certain things as you are They are not as tough about it as you are And it becomes harder and harder for you to tolerate that So you start questioning them a lot more And you come into contact with people that don’t see things the way you do And you make it a point to let them know that they are ‘wrong’ That you are ‘right’ That this is the way they should do things There is no other way of doing things.

This attitude develops especially among youth And there are many reasons for this attitude There are many reasons for this attitude The youth himself or herself thinks they are doing whats called ‘amr bil mar’uf’ and what ‘nahi anil munkar’ They think they are commanding the good forbidding the evil After all they are telling the brotherthe sister they are telling hisher a hadith they are telling him an ayah They are doing a good thing This is something they should be doing This is what’s going on their head What they don’t realize however is.

That there’s something more going on There’s something else going on You know before you become religious maybe you are. you know the center of attention among your crew You are a thug. you are a gang. you are whatever Right. you are the center of attention When you turn to the religion you know longer have that But you need something still There’s an urge inside you to want to show your domination over others There’s an urge inside you I wanna show people that I am in some way, shape or form superior.

And in this devious way sometimes. without. the person even realizing it most of the time they are telling people their religious. like. opinion as a show of expressing their superiority you know. They want to make sure the other person feels like they don’t really know the religion ‘I’ know the religion Let ‘me’ tell you how it’s supposed to be Let ‘me’ teach you the ayah Let ‘me’ teach you the hadith Don’t you know it’s this way or that way or the other way So the religion itself becomes a means by which you.

Promote your own ‘ego’ It’s ironic because the religion was revealed so we humble ourselves The deen came so we humble ourselves And now we are using that very deen to express our ‘arrogance’ to express our arrogance This is not just something that happens among the youth by the way. This happens among elders too You know iblees. On what occasion did he refuse Allah azzawajal he refused to make sajdah. right What job was Adam a.s. going to get What high salary was Adam a.s. going to receive What promotion was Adam a.s. getting.

That iblees said that no, no, no, I am more qualified for that job What was the job Allah azzawajal created the human being for what purpose Worship. Right he adam a.s. was going to be place where On the earth And what was his responsibility service to Allah. It’s a religious title In other words. I am putting this in simple terms Adam a.s. was given a religious honor Not a worldly honor he wasn’t given a high salary a big household that. none of that stuff! he was just given a religious honor.

So if you think about it it’s kind of weird Iblees was jealous of Adam a.s. over a religious honor his ego manifested because he thought he was more qualified to serve Allah’s deen than Adam a.s. ‘I’ am more qualified in this religious capacity And you know this arrogance manifested itself when somebody says I should be the President of the Masjid I am the right M.S.A. president Why did they pick him Why did they pick her for this title Why didn’t they pick me This is a religious task.

You don’t get money when you become a M.S.A. president You don’t get any. like. You don’t get any new car when you run the Masjid But you see across this country people fighting tooth and nail over what religious titles! Who’s incharge of the masjid Who’s opinion should be heard This is a disease that started where It’s pretty old That virus started with iblees Right he’s also vying for religious authority And this is a disease At the heart of it, it is a diease And one has to identify this disease.

If it exists inside themselves You know when the attitude seeps inside you Thank God for me because if it wasn’t for me I don’t know these people would have been so deviant At least I am here to set them straight If that’s your attitude You have got a serious problem You really have a serious problem Because now you think the deen depends on who Yourself Deen doesn’t need us We need Allah’s deen But Allah’s deen is in no need of ‘us’ right Allah is free of need.

HE doesn’t need us we have to humble ourselves And this ego. again. you know. I am talking about it in a religious context But in another context we even have this inside the family If ‘I’ die. who’s gonna take care of my family Who’s gonna pay the bills If I don’t do it. who’s gonna do it That thought comes in your mind right Who’s gonna pay the bills If I don’t do it. then who’s gonna do it That thought comes in your mind. right But you know.

Our time of death is written Whether you think you need to save this much money or that much money or you need to get that promotion you know whatever you need to do you think what you need to do But if Allah decides.I am gone tonight If it’s written. it’s written And you know what After I go, my kids, my wife, my husband, whoever. Allah has already taken care of them I should never have thought I was the one taking care of them to begin with I wasn’t the one taking care of them.

Allah was HE had been all along I was deluding myself into thinking it depended upon me ‘nothing’ depends on me ‘Nothing’ depends on me I am not the source of any good Allah is the source of all good You know when you When ego is the root problem Where does ego come from Ego comes from the source the starting point is when someone doesn’t truly appreciate what Allah is. who Allah is When you don’t appreciate who Allah is You replace that with an appreciation of your own self.

That’s where it starts That’s what really the root of the problem is The first point I wanted to make really insha’Allahu ta’ala that people that wear the facade of the religion they look religious they talk religious they have religious knowledge may Allah protect us from this This is a very serious problem They look more practicing than the other guy who doesn’t have a beard She looks more. more. you know. muttaqi’yya than the other sister who doesn’t wear a hijab They look more religious The outwardly is very good.

But on the inside there is an ego On the inside there is an urge to show your supremacy You are more righteous You are more qualified You are in a better position than the other And in your heart. if you look down upon another muslim no matter what their condition is if you look down upon another Muslim if you do that then you have this thing inside your heart called ‘kibr’ ‘kibr’ gt ‘arrogance’ And you know, when we learn from the from the advice of the Prophet s.a.w.

That the one who has a mustard seed which is basically you are saying an ‘atom’ o.k. a molecule nothing That much of arrogance in their heart what is not open to them you know right Jannah is NOT open to them Jannah is NOT open to them So what I am trying to say is you have a Muslim who does bad things You know the guy drinks he does some really bad stuff. his evil actions are outwardly But your evil action is what Inwardly On the outside you look good.

You look like you are doing all right. his action is punishable for sure. for sure. You don’t think yours is And if you were to compare even though nobody is condoning his behavior if you were to compare which is a bigger problem that is harder to fix. think about that. Is arrogance a bigger problem to fix You know why it’s a bigger problem Because you can’t even see it At least his drinking problem, you could see it. There are things you could do to address it. But this problem in here.

It’s a hard thing to fix Because deep down inside and the ‘only’ one who can sense it is who Yourself. nobody can tell you. if it’s in there it’s in there. We can’t judge any of each other I could think of someone who is pretty arrogant right now That should be listening to this Don’t think of anyone else. That in and of itself. that’s a sign of arrogance Who should you be thinking of Yourself The counsel of the religion is not for anyone else first Who is it for first.

Yourself We’ve become so.like.desensitised that the religious..or the counsel of the Qur’an the counsel of the great words of the Messenger Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam that counsel is for everybody else Wait till I tell them what I just heard! But WHO’S supposed to hear it first WHO’S supposed to internalise it first Yourself You gotta think about that we become very selfish, and self centered, and self serving when it comes to Allah’s religion You know the husband hears the hadith about the rights of the wife, or the rights of the husband.

What’s the first thing he does Hey,you know what i heard today Let me tell you The parent,the parent. What is the first ayah he tells his child ‘Be the best to your parents’ Isn’t that selfserving Are we here to serve ourselves, is the religon here to serve our needs, or are WE here to serve Allah’s deen Right,it’s a change of attitude It’s a completely different attitude So this is the first problem ego,that I wanted to bring to your attention something that only you can guage for yourself.

Nobody can guage that for you But if that’s there, no matter how good is on the outside, does it amount to anything No,because your heart is not sound and Allah says on the Day of Judgement With the exception of.none except those who come before Allah with a SOUND heart with a sound heart Right so we have to fix this thing on the inside this EGO on the inside Before I go to the second point let me just give some tips to tell if you have an ego problem.

Just some basic tips If somebody corrects you. right,you get really offended really,like,how can you say that to me bro How did you say that to me Who do you think you are Who’s that guy thinks he is who’s correcting me like that If that’s your first reation. if that’s your first reaction then you have an ego problem Even if that guy is being. I don’t want to use bad language,ok. He’s not right, He shouldn’t have said what he said to you Your first reation shouldn’t be, Who is he to talk to me.

You know what your first reaction should be ‘Maybe through this really inappropriate comment, Allah is telling me something I should take heed of’ ‘Maybe there’s some truth in it’ Ok it’s not 100 true,it’s a little bit true 1 percent true,is it a half a percent true Whatever of it is true I should take it on myself I should save myself instead of worrying about who is he to talk to me that way Don’t develop that attitude in yourself Take the good and even bad advice even a nasty comment.

Take the good from it,leave the rest It’s okay If you feel the need to interject in every conversation If you feel the need to to have your opinion heard no matter what If you get really offended that your opinion was not taken in the end You gave your opinion, somebody else gave another opinion but your opinion was not the final one taken somebody else’s was and you walk away offended You got an ego problem Especially in matters of religion The MSA,the masjid some people get together They take some sh’uara.

‘What should we do’ And you give your opinion somebody else gives their opinion And in the end, the Shu’ara is for the sake of Allah or no Right Isn’t it We’re doing work for the masjid,the MSA,whatever. It’s for the sake of Allah So you gave your opinion for WHO’S sake For ALLAH’S sake You didn’t give it for your own sake You didn’t give it to serve your own self Let’s see if MY opinion comes on top That’s not why you gave it If you did you got a serious problem.

So you gave it for Allah’s sake Now when it was..if you gave it for Allah’s sake has it already been counted in your favour If you did that for Allah’s sake,a sincere opinion sincere counsel for the sake of Allah Did it already count in your favour Yes,you got credit for it already Whether the people take it or not, you already earned your credit So the fact that it’s taken or not taken is no longer meaningful to you Because you already got what you wanted You understand.

But if your intention WASN’T for the sake of Allah Guess what,you’re gonna get offended You’re gonna say,No,I gave my opinion so it would be the supreme opinion And that didn’t come out So I’m offended Nobody can check that for you if you felt bad,then check yourself You have to check yourself You know these are exercises that are difficult to engage in They’re difficult to engage in But we have to engage in them So the first real problem is hidden ego The outward is religious, and the inward is.

Basically egoistical the urge to show supremacy over others The second problem that again,outward is religious the outward is good the outward is knowledgable the outward has good speech the outward has good clothing Right. Everything looks,’This guy man,that’s a good brother’ Right The outward is great You what happens on the outside The first thing was. the heart bacame egotistical, the second problem is the heart becomes HARD You’re no longer moved by Allah’s words You’re no longer moved when you hear Qur’an It’s been a looong time since you cried in Salah.

It’s been a looong time since your heart felt something You hear it all the time and the thing that crosses your mind is. ‘I already know this’ That’s what crosses your mind I don’t need to hear,I already know this stuff I already know what he’s gonna say The only thing that’s going on in your mind when Salah is going on is. ‘That Qalqala could’ve been a little better’ ‘That Madd was not long enough’ Right ‘The Ghunna,I don’t know about that one’ That’s all what’s going on in your Salah.

You know what’s that an indication of A good Tajweed but a tough heart Right,you got good Tajweed but your heart has become. the words of Allah are not enough to shake you they don’t move you like that You just pass by them And then the knowledge keeps increasing and in your public life you look very devoted to the religion But when you’re in your private when nobody else sees you this really evil person comes out This person who has a certain behavior who does certain things that you would never imagine this person would be doing those things.

When you look at their parents when you look at their public face You would never think this person is that way in the private life But in private life they almost turn into someone else When they’re by themself they turn into someone else So you wouldn’t even recognise So there’s this monster inside who’s got serious issues but on the outside it’s a great person Nobody can fix that for you cuz nobody even knows that exist It’s all inside you So the first problem is ‘ego’ the second problem is heart that becomes ‘hard’.

These are both spiritual problems by the way problems of the heart,aren’t they right The only who can guage this is who Yourself And now there’s some.inshaAllah towards the end inshaAllahu Ta’ala some tips on how to fix this stuff,right That’ll be towards the end I want to just wrap the second point really quick inshaAllahu Ta’ala of the heart becoming hard Allah Azzawajal says,the ayah I recited in the beginning Surat ul Hadid Allah is talking to the people of the BookJews Christians and then He talks to us.

He says. Isn’t it time for people who claim to believe,right. ‘That their hearts should be filled with AWE.’ their hearts should be overpowered they should become numb You know when your muscles become loose,and weak That’s Khushoo actually The muscles feel weakness in them You feel like overwhelming senses and overpowering feeling Right Allah says their hearts should feel overpowered and weakened right.by the ‘fear’ of Allah by the ‘remembrance’ of Allah Isn’t it time for the believers that their heart should feel like that because of remembering Allah And isn’t it time that their hearts should feel like that.

Because of what came down from the truth. What is that What came down from the truth Qur’an It’s referring to the Qur’an Then Allah gives a warning in the same ayah He says. Theybelievers better not become like those who were given the Book before them much before them A looong period passed over them They were holding onto the Book for a looong time But as they were holding onto the Book You know when you first turn to the religion you’re very excited about it That excitement went away.

All that remained was the outer shell So what happened to those people Their hearts became ‘hard’ After a long period of time the religion has just become a routine something they just do something that’s just there it’s just there and you’re doing it cuz you’re used to doing it But it’s not something that moves their heart anymore Their hearts have become hard And once your heart becomes hard. it’s easy for you to become corrupt..therefore the next part of the ayah ‘Most of them are corrupt’ Many,a good number of them are actually corrupt.

The ayah ended with the people of the Book, and where did it start The discussion is really about those who claim to believe and how their hearts become hard And if that’s what you sense inside yourself If that’s what you sense. You know. No one can guage that for you once again, i reiterate that once again The only can who can guage that for you is. Yourself. No one else. How humble you are before Allah, how humble you are before others No one can guage that,you know.

Except by yourself Allah azzawajal. If you find yourself in a hopeless state When you feel as if your heart has infact become hard. And you have developed this sort of a problem Where you know the religious. sometimes the religious personality or the appearance of the religious personality is very intimidating It’s hard to talk to them. It’s hard to,you’re scared to be around them cuz they’ll talk down to you about something Right. You’re afraid of them A lot of times sister that wears Hijab The sisters that don’t wear Hijab.

Keep.across the street they go the other way There she comes away,the ‘Hijab police’ She’s gonna tell me something She’s gonna say something We feel bad Right Now,on one hand that’s paranoiable sometimes on the other hand it IS true There are people that are very condosending to others They are arrogant towards others Tell me this, Weren’t YOU a party animal not too long ago And when people tried to tell you about it how did you behave towards them Did you forget where YOU came from How far Allah brought you,right.

Can we forget that Can we forget where they used to be,where Allah brought them. And years later they see someone who’s a party animal They say, Astaghfirullah! How can they be like that Where were YOU That guy should remind you of yourself You were exactly like that So you should remember Allah’s favour upon you You used to be at the very edge of the FireHell He pulled you out of it And it’s in that ayah Allah says Right,same ayah He put love between your hearts He tabbed love between your hearts,.

You have to remember you used to be at the Fire’s edge yourself Then you got pulled back It wasn’t because of you It’s not because you’re a reall smart person And that’s why you deserved to be pulled back Who’s favour was it to you Allah’s favour to you How dare you look at somebody else and think like that Right. This arrogance is ‘horrible’ thing It’ll wipe out all the goodness out of you It’ll wipe out all the goodness out of you And it is.most of the time.

Our youth that end up into heated debates about whatever If it’s a theology issue If it’s a Fiqh issue If it’s a MSA presidency I don’t care what the issue is. Doesn’t even matter You know usually what the root problem of the debate is It’s EGO. It’s.really it’s a ‘big ego’ That’s all it is People talking about scholars like their talking about some athlete You know that guy,I don’t like him I don’t like what he says Excuse me. Do you what Allah. The journey he made for the sake of Allah.

Even if you disagree with him The fact that he left his home, whoever that scholar is. He travelled half way across the world to seek knowledge And spents nights and nights and nights praying and memorising and studying You’re gonna just pass a comment on him like. I don’t like what he says,i think he’s deviant How dare you. Who are you,guy Who puts you in that position to say that And you know. If you disagree with a muslim,and you think they’re wrong What should be your first attitude towards them.

You should pass a verdict on them that they’re headed to Hell. Or should you genuinely be concerned for them, And if you’re genuinely concerned for them You wouldn’t talk to anybody else about them. Who would you talk to Themselves. You’ll go and talk to themselves If there was sincerity in you you would address your concerns to them Not to anybody else Not to anybody else But this shows lack of sincerity This shows ego This shows you wanna.you got your team You’re. for your side You’re gonna just make comments about the other.

That’s. immature arrogant egotistical This is what it is Now if that’s the state we’ve reached. Now we’re coming a little bit to the remedies First of all, the first remedy is hope itself Hope isn’t lost Allah azzawajal in the next ayah so beautiful that’s,subhanAllah. He says,’You had better know.’ ‘Allah gives,no doubt Allah gives life to the earth after it had died’ Allas was talking of hearts in the previous ayah. What’s He talking about now giving life to the earth Allah is telling you if Allah can bring life back to the dead earth,.

He can give life to your heart again Your heart can become soft again it’s not beyond hope We are clarifying the miraculous signs so that you can understand You get the point There IS hope for you You CAN get your heart cleansed it IS possible..you know if Allah can bring life back to heart.the heart back to life So.the remedies now What are the remedies. How do you fix yourself, how do you fix the ego problems that you have The first big problem that helps you cleanse your heart out is.

The ‘remembrance of Allah’ That’s the first thing that you have to address How often do you remember Allah azzawajal. and remembring Allah is not saying cliche things like,you know. the adhkaar you memorised. SubhanAllah.Alhamdulilah.La ilaaha ilallahu Allahuakbar and you do some dhikr i mean these are incredible adhkaar They’re from the Sunnah of the Prophet Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam But if they’re thoughtless. If you didn’t put any thought in them If you didn’t reflect upon them It’s NOT Dhikr. That’s just good review it’s all that it is You know what Alhamdulilah means.

All credit goes to Allah, all praise is for Allah Allah should be thanked and He should be praised for everything So you’re having a tough day,what do you say ‘Alhamdulilah’ Not only do i THANK Allah..I also praise Him Whatever’s happening ‘must’ be good And SO good that I thank Him for it And not just that I thank Him for it, I also praise Him for it What an ‘awesome’ thing You did In light of your. Despite of your.you know.troubles You say Alhamdulilah Now you mean it,it’s something else.

Now you’re really remembering Allah And you know this Hamd of Allah giving credit to Allah What does it teach you about yourself. Whenever something good you accomplish you think you accomplished something good what are you supposed to say ‘Alhamdulilah’ Who did you actually give credit to Allah azzawal But you do that from your ego,you just say somebody comes to you and says. Brother,great khutbah! You say, Alhamdulilah,yes I know Then that Alhamdulilah is not really Alhamdulilah That’s more about yourself than anybody else,right. You have to learn to be uncomfortable with praise.

You should be uncomfortable with praise You should be quick to give credit immediately to. Allah. And at the same time to put yourself down ‘You don’t know brother,you don’t know’ ‘I think you shouldn’t say that’ ‘You don’t know what i’m really like,Allah knows’ ‘Just make Du’a for me,that’s it.’ ‘I don’t need your praise,I need your Du’a’ ‘I don’t need you to thank me.’ ‘Sister,I don’t need you to tell me.’ The other sister says, Your such a good sister No,I don’t need to hear that from you. that doesn’t help me,that actually hurts me.

Because when somebody tells me how good I am..what does that boost Our ego. Right. And that’s the biggest problem you can ever have So nobody is doing anyone a favour by praising them And one last thing to add this,about humility When somebody comes and talks rea nasty to you. right. and they’re condosending to you. It’s a good way to put your favour down So they may even have done you a favour And they may have been. they think they won over you but maybe that’s a message from Allah,.

Maybe that’s a gift from Allah they gave you the gift of humility Maybe that’s what it is Thats what Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah used to say When someone offends me. I think that’s a gift from Allah that He’s teaching me humility SubhanAllah It’s a different attitude Then learn to serve people for the sake of Allah Give to the. You know a lot of times people get burnt out this is the last thing I want to say about religious folks,right. especially youth They do so much activity, they join an organisation,.

They join a group, they join a Masjid, they join whatever programme. And they’re fired up, burning themselves out, running after this programme left and right and left and right and eventually,you know what happens They get burnt out They get completely burnt out And when they burn out they’re never able to recover from that again Keep a balance. Take it easy. You don’t have to do everything in one weekend You don’t have to do everything in one summer It’s ok You can do.keep it gradual Keep up with it,inshaAllahu Ta’ala.

But when you do things for the sake of Allah and you get frustrated that you’re not seeing results like you know. This.this talk. I was in. I said ok,ok I’ll come sunday night,no problem Why not come saturday night Nobody’s gonna be here You know what my first reaction was So I’m not coming here for ‘you’. why am I coming here. The bigger reason You’re not paying me,who’s paying me Allah.right So if there’s one person here, or hundred people here, or no one here. Did I already get my credit if I had the right intention.

I did.if I had the right intention Why did you come here. If you came here because your friends are coming. because you’re nagged into coming. because your ride isn’t leaving so you’re stuck here. Then you got nothing. But if you were here. your intention was ‘I’m gonna remember Allah tonight’ ‘I’m gonna come closer to Allah tonight’ Even the wait,when there was nothing going on here even did that count in your favour change of attitude,change of intention Right It’ll help you SO much in life because when you do things.

You pass out the fliers, and you will invite people and nobody will show up and you’ll say, aargh,people don’t listen You won’t be frustrating,you know why Why were passing out the fliers. Why were you sending invitations. Who did you put the expectations with Allah. Your job is the effort, His job is the results You’re not incharge of the results When you internalise that, life becomes so much easier It becomes.and you become more satisfied with yourself You don’t become frustrated ‘No,there were only a few people there’ There could’ve been more.

Yes,there could have been more but that’s in the hands of Allah Did I do my part. Did I make enough efforts. That’s the only question to ask And were my efforts ‘seriously’ for the sake of Allah. That’s the question to ask These things I bring up, because intentions are not something you make once There was one time in your life,you made the intention you’re gonna serve Allah’s religion, you’re gonna become a better muslim, You made that intention But that intention can get ‘rusty’ So you gotta keep going back.

You gotta keep fixing it And you know, everybody else thinks your intention is strong cuz they only see what The outside What don’t they see The inside. And because they see the outside,they tell you. You’re pretty good man! And you start believing them too So you’re only making the problem worse for yourself The first remedy was.remembering Allah The second remedy. find better company. Find company of the people that are better than yourself Third remedy,important remedy. Learn to keep your mouth shut. Learn to keep your mouth shut.

If you see something really bad, find a humble way of giving advice to a muslim Think.are the words I’m gonna say to them, are they gonna make even more.you know.averse to the religion Or should I find some loving,soft way of slowly pulling them back. without compromising the principles But am I.can I bring them closer to the Deen maybe change their company, maybe change of scenary, maybe if they heard a little bit of advice You don’t wanna change their behaviour first, you wanna change their what first Their ‘heart’.

Once the heart changes,behavior changes automatically Most of the time we go after people’s what You go after their behavior. You can’t change people’s behavior. you can only remind them, and hope that Allah changes their..hearts Right,your job is to remind The Messenger sees people doing shirk, people doing Kufr and Allah is telling him year after year after year ‘Remind them,reminder will have benefit’ The man,Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam is doing Da’wah to the same bunch of really bad people for ten years and Allah keeps telling him Remind,it’s gonna have benefit.

Remind,it’s gonna have benefit You remind someone,it doesn’t have benefit you know what you say. I reminded him,he didn’t listen That guy’s not gonna benefit from a reminder! Look at the Seerah of the Messenger How often does he remind,Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam And Allah keeps telling him You don’t.you may not see the benefit you may not see the benefit but is there still benefit There is. And who’s the first person who benefits from sincere reminder The one who gives the reminder Who is it benefitting first You yourself Because you are accepting,the words are coming from you.

But the effect will come from where From Allah azzawajal And if your words didn’t have any effect then maybe there was something wrong with who You. Don’t.your first reaction shouldn’t be There’s something wrong with him,he didn’t listen to me That’s not your first reaction You know the Messenger Alaihi Assaalatu Wassalam,and this is the last comment I’ll make When he gave advice to the.when he gave Da’wah to the people, and they didn’t accept one of the thoughts that crept into the Messenger’s mind was. ‘Maybe I’m not doing my job right’.

‘Maybe I could’ve said it better’ And Allah azzawajal reminds him No,no.you’re doing your job right You’re doing what you’re supposed to do You just keep warning,you just keep reminding don’t worry about the results Just keep doing what you’re supposed to do Do what you’re supposed to do Along these lines,the last ayah that came to mind. I should share it with you because it’s important in this issue inshaAllahu Ta’ala Two aayat.one from Shu’ra One from Surat ashShu’ra,surah no.42, and another ayah in which the Messenger is given advice,in Surat AleImran,.

So two aayat In Surat ashShu’ra. They didn’t disagree with each other until after knowledge came They didn’t disagree with each other until. after knowledge came So who’s disagreeing now ‘Knowledgeable’ people knowledgeable in what Knowlegeable in what. Science,physics,chemistry,biology.what are they knowledgeable in The religion. Knowledgeable in the Book. Knowledgeable in the Sunnah. And what are they doing after that knowledge Falling into disagreement,why Allah gives the reason too Out of their urge to dominate over each other They have this urge,they wanna feel superior. And what’s their weapon by which they feel superior.

‘Knowledge in the religion’ They turned that into a means by which they can inflate their ego SubhanAllah What a ‘horrible’ crime And it’s that ayah where Allah azzawajal,He says. Had it not been that a time had been appointed for them. ahead of time. Meaning,had it not been that Allah had already decided WHEN they would be punished. their matter would’ve been dealt with immediately They would’ve been punished right away. this is a high crime This a high crime that they’re doing Using a weapon to disagree. the knowledge is a weapon to disagree with each other.

Not for any other sincere reason except. ‘ego’ May Allah protect us from that crime Especially our youth man Youth culture in this country you’re playing balls,somebody blocks your shot,what happens The next play,you better avenge and revive your dignity because the. cuz this culture,’How dare you against me’ it’s not just a sport it’s a test of ego right. Somebody cuts you off on the road, what gets enraged YOU with your Honda Civic,passed ME by ME,with the M5 No,no.I will show you! I will express my supremacy very very soon.

I’m gonna floor it and show you how it is done What is that a show of ‘Ego’. Constantly in our culture we’re being sent the message ‘inflate your ego’ ‘it’s all about YOU’ The songwriter the singer my chain,my hat,my shoes,my socks,whatever All about me,me,me You can’t touch me You can’t look at me You can’t look at me in the eye I’m gonna do this to you I’m gonna do that to you What’s this about What’s the whole message ‘Ego’ Worship of the ‘self’ It’s all it is.

It’s really what it goes down to And this Deen is only a Deen for those who humble themselves before Allah Right. So that’s very very important message of this. of this aayah The last aayah and I’m done And specially for those who are in a position of leadership Those of you that others look upto Those of you that know and think even that you have more knowledge than others Allah tells His Messenger Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam It is by the special favour and mercy of Allah that you Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

Are lenient towards them, meaning the Sahaba It’s a special Mercy from Allah that you Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam are lenient towards them If you were tough, harsh of the heart if you were stiff with them, if you were arrogant towards them if you were even hard,you know, rough round the edges when you talk to them if you were,you know,stern with them They would’ve dispersed away from you ‘They’.who’s they Sahaba.would’ve ran away from you Who’s ‘you’ The Messenger Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam Can you imagine. the Sahaba running away from the Prophet.

Allah didn’t say, If you didn’t call to the Truth,they would run away If you stop teaching them Qur’an,they would run away If you didn’t present,you know,the Wahi Revelation,they would run away What would the Messenger do that would make them run away He’s still teaching Qur’an He’s still giving the Truth Everything’s the same, what’s the only thing that changed in the aayah that would make them run away He’s tough to them He’s harsh with them That would be enough and they would run away SubhanAllah. What a message Allah is teaching His Messenger Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

If that’s the message to the most amazing leader you don’t think it applies most to us It applies enormously to. if you’re in any position of leadership and if I was to ask, don’t raise your hands,rhetorically for show of hands,how many people are in a position of leadership You know what All of you should be raising your hands You all are in a position of leadership You all are in a position where you should be in a position to give counsel to someone and that’s fine But ‘how’ do you give that counsel.

Especially if they’re muslim Instead of making them more averse to the religion, learn to be more tolerant Don’t justify a wrong behavior that’s not what I’m saying at all If you see something haraam forbidden, call a spade a spade Look,this is haraam I really worry about you And there’s ways of saying it,right You know,you’re going to Hell for doing that,right That’s one way of saying this Man,you should be ashamed of yourself That’s a one way of saying Bro,I’m really worried about you,seriously You know that’s bad I love you man,why do you do it.

You need help Why,really.just stop man.let’s talk about it sincerely.right Let’s talk about it. Sincerity.it shows,you know The way you talk to people it shows if you’re sincere or you’re just trying to,you know pass comments on them you know,just put them down There’s a difference There’s a difference in how we talk ‘They are humble,powerless when they present themselves to Believers’ That’s the attitude in Qur’an But then finally how do you know for sure you’re sincere it’s in the aayah,and we’re done in that same aayah after they mess up.

When you’re lenient towards them if they mess up No.1 Forgive them,lovingly Then ask Allah to forgive them You know asking Allah to forgive them is not Some brother did something bad,you say. Hey,by the way,may Allah forgive you When should you ask Allah to forgive them When you’re asking Allah to forgive yourself in private because the private Du’a is what sincere. That’s sincere In front of everyone. By the way bro,you’re pretty messed up,but may Allah forgive you I make Du’a for you That’s not what the aayah is saying.

That’s actually a show of what arrogance. ego. Make sincere Du’a for them in private And then to make them feel like you think of them as a decent person, consult them and take their opinion ask their opinion treat them like a decent person The Messenger Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam doesn’t need anybody’s Shu’ra consultation He makes decision based on Revelation Allah commanded him to consult them in decision making Why So they would feel what included. dignified. This is the characteristics of a leader right. He makes those who are under him.

Feel dignified Now when you make a decision place your trust in Allah because your decision is not the key to success It is Allah that is the key to success May Allah make us those who place their trust in Allah azzawajal May Allah not allow our hearts to become hard May Allah azzawajal make us of people sincerely of dhikr remembrance to Allah May Allah grant us the gift of better company of better company than ourselves that keeps our ego on check May Allah give us the ability to give advice.

To those around us the people of Laa ilaaha illallah the people who share this wonderful kalima with us are more beloved to us and closer to us than even the bond of blood ameen La ilaaha illallah brings us closer than the bond of blood May Allah azzawajal make us share that love and affection and unity with the other muslims and show them that sincerity from the bottom of heart May Allah azzawajal penetrate good advice into the hearts of those who need it May Allah azzawajal make us capable of taking advice.

And taking the best of it and not allowing the advice to become a means by which our egos are inflated May Allah azzawajal keep us humble before Him, forgive our shortcomings that have occurred in the past May Allah Subhanu wa Ta’ala from here on, from here on out make us of those whose hearts are perpetually being cleansed and finally I ask Allah azzawajal to accept all our gatherings including this one and to accept,you know. all of the good deeds, the acts of worship we do for Him.

With of the shortcomings and all of the flaws even our Salah and our Wudhu and our Dua all of it’s shortcomings aside May Allah accept whatever ‘patchwork’ we do May Allah just. overlook all of the shortcomings and accept from all of us Rabbana Taqabbal Minna Innaka AntasSamee’ul ‘Aleem Watub ‘Alaina ya Maulana Innaka AntaTawwaaburRaheem Wa Sallahu Ta’ala ‘alaa Khairi Khalqihi Muhammadin Wa ‘alaa aalihi wa sahbihi ajma’een wa salaamu alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu Jazakumullahu Khairan for listening I hope you don’t have any questions,at all Good. None on the sisters’ side,right.

No,you have to choose the best course You choose the best course you apply yourself to your best and THEN place your trust in Allah right. This is what we learn from the legacy of the Prophets They apply themselves to the Fdegree and then rely on Allah There are two extremes. One extreme is, ‘I’m gonna make all the efforts, and all the results are in my hands’ The other extreme is, ‘I’m gonna make no efforts, and the result’s in Allah’s Hands’ These are two extremes and both.diseased attitudes.

What’s the right attitude ‘I’m gonna make whatever effort I can, to the best of my ability while knowing the results’s in Allah’s Hands’ That’s the balanced attitude ok. No questions,right sisters.this is great There is a question Yeah,if somebody comes across saying they’re more intelligent I don’t think those kinds of people should be advised by you. if they’re talking to you like that I think.better to get them advised by elders or. other peers because if you come,if they’re talking like that to you and then you tell them,I don’t think you should talk like that.

Or whatever. you’re just gonna create more antagonism It’s good to get a third party in a subtle and careful way And the other thing is. This is when I learned. This is sometimes.this wisdom you learn from elder muslims This is a personal story There’s a brother in a masjid. most of my best friends are really old people in their 70s,and 80s and such right. This is a really old gentleman and he.you know. we used meet at the masjid everyday and stuff and there was a fight in the masjid.

Nasty fight. You’ve seen one of those they’re pretty ugly ok. So these two guys.just going at it and they’re really nasty to each other you know.one basically calls the other dumb essentially ok. but anyway,this elder gentleman knows both of them and stops talking to both of them He always nicely says salaam to them.how are you and just walks away usually he’s like,makes a longer conversation he’s very cordial,but he walks away and you know.he’s so wonderful,his personality those people,they feel it they feel like he doesn’t talk to us like he used to anymore.

So one day one of them,this happened in front of me. one of them just came upto him and said, You know,you don’t talk to me like you used to Are you mad at me He goes no,I’m not mad at you at all So he says,but you. You don’t talk to me the same way He says,yes I don’t So why don’t you He says,look.I saw getting angry with that other brother the other day and I just got scared maybe one day you’ll get angry at me I’m just.I wouldn’t want you to be angry at me.

So I’m trying to be safe Like he put it in such a soft way and the guy felt so bad. he went and apologized to the other brother and they made up right. That’s the wisdom of an elder,you know they know how to approach things. There’s sometimes.it’s the way.it’s our demeanor towards people You know,you can show some people you can show someone that they’ve hurt your feelings without actually saying you can show it,with a sort of distant demeanor And you can. people use hurtful words towards you.

My advice is to distance yourself from them in a respectful way though,still Look we don’t cut relations in Islam we don’t do that we don’t cut ourselves off from people But it’s a healthy thing to distance yourself from someone who uses abusive language towards you It’s a healthy thing to do And if there’s any ounce of good in them, they will feel it right. And they will come to you and say What’s happening Why aren’t you talking to me. But if there’s no good in them.guess what.

They’ll say, Ah,good for them.good for me I don’t wanna talk to you anyway So it’s probably good for both of you right. But distancing yourself from them is probably my best advice InshaAllahu Ta’ala That’s the.it’s a silent kind of advice in such cases. Wallaahu ta’ala ‘aalam That’s it We’re all done. Alhamdulilah Subhaana kalla humma wabi Hamdik, Nashhadu Allah ilaaha illaah anth,nastaghfiruka wa atoobu ilaik Wa Assalamu alaikum warehmatullahi wabarakaatuhu All good is from Allah s.w.t. and all the mistakes are mine. These subtitles have been made possible with immense help from the Sister QurratAlAyn YouTubeuserQurratAlAyn.

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